My darling Julian,
Today is Sunday, May 14, 2017. You are now ten (10) years-old. I still have those flowers you made for me for Mother’s Day at Kids ‘R’ Kids in Tomball, Texas around 2009/2010 (see picture above). This is one of my favorite pictures of you, though, of course, I love them all.
It is another Mother’s Day without you (the sixth, counting the week they kidnapped you), or hearing your sweet little angel voice. I am heartbroken. I have not seen you since 2014, and even then, only a handful of times, monitored, for two hours. Everyone tells me to “MOVE-ON.” How cruel. I shall never “MOVE-ON” from the little love of my life, and that was you.
I want you to know that I have never stopped calling, and have always tried to call to speak to you, and to try to arrange visits to see you. To this day, they refuse to answer the phone even though it is not forbidden by unlawful, void court “order.”
Recently, I found out that you have been moved, as I heard Nancy divorced your father. I have no idea where you are living. This is killing me. I have every right to know you are safe, happy, and have everything you need, and to try to help provide those things to the best of my ability. My hands are tied when those who consider themselves in charge will not cooperate. This is a terrible form of violence, far worse than curse words uttered in “righteous anger” (quoting Ephesians 6:12, The Holy Bible).
I even called to express genuine sympathy for any heartache this may have caused both you and your father, as it may affect you. I continue to receive no response, nor reciprocal kindness, compassion, and in my book, this is also AGAINST you.
I hope, pray, and have faith that you are doing well, at whatever new school you are at, that you enjoy your teachers, and also that you make worthy friends (and I DO have every right to receive your educational and other records, and I DO exercise them as your REAL mommy, and Now, and Again, your only mother).
Most of all, I hope, pray, and have faith that you get the love and attention you deserve from your daddy. Again, I never wanted to take you away from him, nor deny visits. But you know that, already. I cry every morning and every night before I go to bed, and upon waking up, and sometimes, in the middle of the day when random children pass me, or when I have random thoughts and memories of you–all the time. “I only think of you on two occasions–that’s day, and night.”
I hope you still remember me, your mommy, and all the fun times we did have together for the first 5 1/2, actually, almost 6 1/2 years of your life. I am counting on it–your sensory memories. I pray that you come back to me, or, at least, that we get to hear each other’s voice to say “I love you,” and have regular, unsupervised, regular, standard “visitation,” at the very least.
All hope is not lost, so take heart, and have courage, for we are still here, my little munchkin, or, fourth, almost fifth grader. I will never stop searching for you, nor stop trying to see you, to take care of you, and be able to act like your mommy again, in REAL life, and in REAL time.
Happy Mother’s Day to you, my son, and only child, and to all the other Loving Mothers of Lost Children, and to those whose children have passed. It is my belief that they are still with you in Spirit.
Love always, unconditionally (no matter what),
Joni Faith Saloom
P.S. As summer is upon us, what I wouldn’t give to be able to take you to the pool and swim with you this season. I can’t believe all the opportunities we have missed together. I hope we can make up for them some day very, very soon, my little love. Still blowing you kisses every night in your sleep.–Mommy